it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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