bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
