The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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