so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize