i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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