Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
