Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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