I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
