...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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