Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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