that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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