i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the day after is always just damage control
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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