If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize