I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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