he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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