I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
