hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize