I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
