I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
