He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
