How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
