Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
