Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
