Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
