I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just had sex on a roof
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
