I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
