what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
