Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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