The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
