This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
