Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
