what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
