talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize