She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
