If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
