I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
