drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
