Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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