She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
