I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
