evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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