I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
