Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
