Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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