Cold hands, warm shart.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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