He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
