my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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