Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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