idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
