We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
