No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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