Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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