Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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