I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I touched a dick in church today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
