So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
