it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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