We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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