I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
