So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
FUCK WHALES
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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