I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
