Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
try to milk me bitch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
