Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You need Xanax blowdarts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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