When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
