So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
