Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
