D3 body, D1 cock
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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