I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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