The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
